i don’t know about you, but…

wouldn’t you be a LITTLE pissed off if someone who doesn’t do dishes complained about the way they were being washed? or another person, who also complained, was someone who actually did do the dishes from time to time, but only the ones THEY wanted to do? and left the pots and pans dirty all the time? or had all the dirty cups sitting around in their room for over two weeks while everyone wondered “where are all the cups?” i dunno. i’m just saying. chan >={

now i’m pissed.

i had a whole post ready to… well… be posted, and as i’m typing in the tags for the post, i hit backspace to try and erase a letter, and instead, it went back to the previous page. when i tried to go back to the post i’d written, it did go back, but everything i wrote was erased. the whole post. poof. gone. i mean, it wasn’t THAT important. just me talking about my loneliness in skool, and life in general. i was pretty depressed when i was writing it. but i was glad to finally put it out there. then it all got erased. now i’m sad AND pissed off. cuz now, even if i wanted people to know how i felt, i can’t post what’s been erased. and i dont want to bother trying to rewrite it. i mean, truth be told, no one was gonna read it or give a shit anyway, so… whatever.

#$*@#$$#^$%&^%#@$#@%$&^$@!!!!!

chan :[

noooooo! it can't be!

i know things happen, and sometimes relationships don’t last forever, especially in the entertainment business, but i was soooo rooting for them! *tear tear* :’(

i still love em both, tho… :)

aww man. not today, i guess.

so, i was a little bummed out and annoyed yesterday. i saw fall out boy’s album, folie á deux, in the store. i was dying to get it, but i was very broke. as usual. not even 10 minutes after i walked away from the music section, though, i saw practically everybody with it. well, not really. just two people. they were both on the checkout line, and they were goin to buy it. and that was enough to drive me insane. it was pretty heartbreakin, actually. i guess some consolation is that, no matter what, at some point in time, i’m goin to get it. even if i have to wait until it’s cheaper. or until someone buys it for me. muhahaha. but i won’t beg anyone to get it for me. i don’t really like doin that. patience is key. sometimes. =D

chan =)

consistently losing.

you know, i was typing this really long, exhausting and angry blog about how certain situations in my life weren’t fair to me at all, and then i realized: no one cares. if i want to talk, no one will listen. i get cut off and told off. but coming on here, and saying how i feel and what i’m thinking, would piss off one of the few people who even read this piece of junk blog in the first place. i’d get a phone call a week from now and they’d ask me “what the hell is this garbage you wrote on your blog? you’re in the wrong, so get over it.” but that’s just it. when i try to plead my case, the case is already closed. the punishment’s already been given to me, and there’s no appealing it. it’d be even worse if i put the whole thing on blast, on the world wide web. so i’ll just say this, cuz i’m rambling now:

i’m pissed off because once again, i lose. it’s not me thinking that i should “win” every time, because i know that there are some battles that i go into without a chance in hell of winning, especially since my opponent always has the backing of the judges. all i’m saying is, it’s not fair. maybe if they stopped looking at me like i was the idiot, and started looking at ___ (a.k.a. “the chosen one”) like ___ wasn’t sent from heaven, then maybe they’d know one more person who isn’t always miserable. i don’t do half the crap ___ does, which is a gift and a curse. but they only see the cursed end. and i don’t understand why. why does ___ always win? why do i always end up looking like the bad guy?

i can’t get anywhere near as specific as i’d like to be, and i still expect that conversation to come up, with me looking like the crazy one. i’d be pleasantly surprised if the conversation came up and i was talked to by someone who actually wanted to see things my way, to hear what it is that i have to say, even for a minute. because right now, the odds are always against me.

cheyanne

the day is sucking already.

sittin in the dojo watching bhajhan’s martial arts class. and i’m startin to get cold. cuz i forgot my sweater at home. cuz i was rushed out of the house (once again). / ugh. my belly’s stickin out. not so much that you can see skin, but i got a little bump under my shirt. makes me look more chubby. and it’s not like i can keep it sucked in all the time. cuz that would hurt. it’s a double-edged sword when i’m getting dressed: if i wear my loose clothes, i look 15, but if i wear my tighter clothes, i look fat. / now my stomach hurts. i think it’s just cuz i’m hungry. but mummy says we’ll get breakfast after class./ and i’m so tired! i’m feeling very drained right now. cuz i didn’t drink any caffeine./ and ooh! looky! my fuzzy socks are sticking out of my shoes. that looks so dumb. but, i don’t have many socks, soooo…/ i’m done./ chan :(

oops, i did it againnn-ahh!

yep. i made one huge blog post. that no one will read. and if you think about reading it, prepare yourself. i end up whining.

chan :[

anyways…

that last blog isn’t even what i wanted to blog about today. i wanted to blog about something stupid today: my love for romantic movies!

i had a list of things to do today, but they all got thrown out the window when i started watching HBO. there was a movie on called “because i said so”, and in it, a mother (diane keaton) posts a personal ad online on behalf of her youngest daughter (mandy moore) with the intentions of finding her a “life partner” (her two older daughters are both married, one with a child as well). i don’t know why or how it happened, but i just got sucked in. and i loved it!

it happens to me all the time, and they end up being faves of mine. let’s see if i can make a list, shall we?

10 things i hate about you, the wedding date, 27 dresses, the family stone, the wedding singer, 50 first dates, chasing liberty, before sunrise, a cinderella story, amelie, crazy/beautiful, the perfect man, something new, garden state, catch and release, music and lyrics, legends of the fall, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera…

and there’s plenty more where that list came from. i don’t know what’s up with my obsession over these kinds of movies. maybe cuz the closest i’ve ever been to someone being romantic to me was granpa shotta on the street corner tryna get my attention with cat calls like “ay, sexy chinee doll”. and, may i say (if i haven’t before), i HATE that. >:{

the typical romantic movie will (almost) always have that random meeting, where the guy makes some sarcastic, funny, or even caring comment to the girl, she blushes and goes *tee-hee*, they have a few more random meetings, decide “hey, let’s go on a date”, then end up falling in love. awwwww! others will twist that up a little bit, but all in all it’s the same. and yet… i can’t help but watch, with some hope (that they get a happy ending), jealousy (cuz it’ll never happen to me) and intrigue (cuz i wanna know how it ends) all mixed up in my feelings jar. and what’s most ridiculous about all of this is that after the movie’s over, and the happy ending is complete, i watch the credits feeling so damn depressed. cuz, like i said, it’ll never happen to me. half because these movies don’t really dictate real-life, and half because no one wants to get with this:

yep. i’m pathetic.

and i’ve rambled on too long. i’m gonna go watch the soup now. cheer myself up.

chan :(

what the french toast? why?

okay, this is something that’s been on my mind a while now, but seeing this site made me want to write about it.

it’s bad enough they have pics of barack obama on a beach in star magazine, talkin about how he’s got one of the best beach bodies in celebville, but WHY DO THEY CATEGORIZE HIM AS A CELEBRITY?!?!? that KILLS me! you don’t see them do that to ANYONE ELSE in the election, so why him? sure, he’s young, black and handsome, but do you HAVE to? really. do you have to talk about him that way? it’s not negative, but it is. it fuels that dumbass advertisement from mccain’s camp, about how he’s this huge celebrity. it can’t be denied cuz he’s all up in there, up in the celebrity magazines, and on extra and access hollywood.

now, this website i saw isn’t necessarily one that puts him on that celebrity pedestal. but i still think this is retarded. funny at first glance, but still VERY stupid. just click on this link, and go to this website, and scroll to the picture at the bottom, and tell ME i’m buggin. tell me that this isn’t goin a little too far.

NOOOOOO!!!!

i’m watching so you think you can dance right now, and the two guys in the bottom two are will and twitch!

NOOOOOOOO!!!!

i’m so sad… i know it’s getting harder to send people home, because everyone still in the competition is sooooo good, but i would have liked to see mark go home over every other guy… comfort and courtney are the two girls in the bottom, and i think it’s time, once again, for comfort to go home…

i dunno which guy is going home… i looooooooove twitch, and i want him to stay til the very end, but will is such a good dancer, so it’s a toss-up…

ugh. i’ll post the results. reluctantly.

bbl… *tear tear*

chan :(

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